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A truce at last

The warring Jewish charities, KKL (people’s front of Judea) and JNF-UK (Judean People’s Front) have finally found common ground. Despite their differences they have signed an understanding, pledging to ‘unite to continue to discriminate against Arabs’. They plan to launch an annual celebration of racial exclusivity to be known as Yom ha-Yehudi or Jewday. This will feature a set of parades through Israeli Arab towns, described by JNF president Gail Seal as “a great celebration of multicultarism, in the style of Northern Ireland ’s Orange men”.

This deal comes as a major breakthrough and may yet avert court action between the two sides. Lawyers for the ‘charities’ have expressed disappointment and stress that there are still major differences to settle, but leaders on each side seem to be full of delight at the deal. Recounting events, the head of the KKL related how ‘We were really at loggerheads and had taken a break from our meeting to catch up with world events. Suddenly, on TV there were pictures of Palestinian olive groves being bulldozed. Both sides erupted in spontaneous cheering and before we knew it, we were dancing around the room together like old friends chanting ‘down with Arabs’ and ‘Follow me to greater Israel ’.

After this, the plans for Jewday apparently ‘wrote themselves’. Although still in their infancy, a multitude of ideas have been suggested. Under the joint banner of KKL and JNF, Israelis will be encouraged to boycott Palestinian goods, refuse to pay Palestinian workers and in a tradition borrowed from Guy Fawkes Night, to burn effigies of Yassir Arafat. Finally, in a symbolic act, Jews will empty bottles and cans of RC cola into the river Jordan.

The charities issued a joint statement expressing delight at their union of hatred. ‘We would almost like to thank the Palestinians’ laughed one representative.

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