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Charedi women are happier than they have ever been before according to a survey recently carried out by the ultra-Orthodox community. In an overall life satisfaction survey, 92% of respondents reported that their wives could not be happier.

The survey sought to offer a never before seen insight into the psychology of the female Charedi community. One section, detailing favourite activities, revealed that making dinner is one of the most popular activities, second only to making babies. As, Mordecai Baruchstein, a leading member of the community elaborated, ‘our women love nothing more than popping children out, as it says in the toyrah – I forget where – a woman is not considered to have fulfilled her duty until she has at least 12 children. And of course they love to cook – my wife gets so excited when she prepares the family meal that she regularly cries tears of joy, sobs even. For my part, I take very seriously the business of appraising her food by eating as much of it as I can’.

It is also revealed that the most exciting time of life for Charedi females is when they get married. According to the survey, the women spend the first 14 years of their lives desperate to meet their husbands to be and even though almost all of the marriages are arranged, well over 90% those surveyed reported that their wives ‘could not be more pleased’ with them ‘in all departments’. Results show that so long as husband and wife are not too closely related, nearly all of the relationships thrive*, and most of the children have the right number of digits. It seems that one of the most joyous moments in the Charedi female’s live is the moment of entering into womanhood, marked by the removal of her hair. The survey shows that, despite some attitudes from outside of the community, none of the girls find it humiliating, demeaning or submissive.

The results of the survey have been greeted warmly by Charedi spokesmen. Avraham Babelburg said ‘I speak for all Charedi women when I say that they lead fulfilled, independent, happy lives. This survey shows just how varied their lives are, one day they might be making challah, the next gefilte fish; one day they might be cleaning the floor, another the windows. And we all know how much joy children bring. Now multiply that by 12!’. He later added that although he does not take a ‘hands on’ approach to parenting, his wife assures him that he has at least 14 offspring.

Finally, the survey also comments on the sex lives of the women. Amazingly, it seems that all of their desires are fulfilled by their partners, that they all find their husbands to be unsurpassably desirable, irrespective of age difference, and that the most attractive feature of any man is his beard.

* Defined as being happily married, still together, or still waiting for a get

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