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Half a Shekel

June 2008

It’s time to bring the money-lenders back into the temple; to say to Lord Levy ‘come back, all is forgiven’; hard times have arrived and jewdas returns to celebrate the glorious relationship between jews and money.

We’re all familiar with credit-crunches (is this a snack bar?), rising oil prices and negative equity and now the economic downturn has hit Jewdas Towers. Rabbi Geoffrey Cohen’s Stamford Hill property empire is in dire straits. Faced with ‘we’re too busy studying torah to pay rent’ tenants, pressure to allow no more than 3 families per room and a simultaneous drop in the market for his ‘Tsnius-friendly bikinis’, things are bad.

Unable to keep compete with the lavish budgets of the likes of Jewish Care and the JNF, jewdas finds itself rapidly becoming the northern rock of the Jewish world.

Jewdas is seeking your pound (of flesh ideally, but straight pounds will do) in order to maintain the high cost of running the International Jewish Conspiracy. And of putting on parties like this:

  • klezmer band, yiddish songs, el shaddai, jen charlton, the infamous Geoff Berner, and Simon Katan (of Halal Kebab Hut)
  • dj sets featuring 20s yiddish tracks, yidcore and barbara streisand;
  • a series of films by artists including Ari Libsker, Tanya Ury, Jes Benstock, Nancy Koan, Charlie Phillips, Giovanna Chesle, Naama W and others;
  • The Schmooze Brothers; jewish drag kings
  • Poetry from Angry Sam
  • a bespoke jewish tattooing service;
  • art installations;
  • talks on religion, philosophy, politics and tax evasion; by David Rosenberg, Dani Kranz, Deborah Kahn-Harris and Jacob Berkson (not respectively…)
  • your chance to take rabbi cohen’s stamford hill jukebox challenge
  • sideshows including JC power 100 hoopla and jewish community bingo;
  • mass conversions; rabbinical lap dances; jewish memorabilia raffle;
  • and, best of all, the chance to confess to Rabbi Geoffrey Cohen
  • Free drink for all those in fancy dress
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