Land for Cash
Ever keen to find good business deals, Jewdas is offering you the easiest money this side of a Jewish Care ball. What might this be? you ask, well, your status as a chosen person has more benefits than just poor eyesight and natural financial acumen. It also comes with a special right; your right to return. Glossing over nitpicking problems in the fundamental logic of returning to a place that you may never have actually been to, this right is a guaranteed money-spinner. For although this place you’ve got a right to go to is alright, its not exactly the riviera; bit too hot, bit too angry, don’t drink tea properly there. So it’s not somewhere you’re massively keen to up sticks to. And herein lies the business potential – there’s other people who want to go there!
These guys are local to the area and more than ready to move; the concept of ‘return’ is also likely to be a bit more applicable in their cases. Yes, you might argue, that some 200 generations ago, you too came from from there, but its all a bit fuzzy. You probably came from Tenerife. We are Jewdas are proud to de descended from the Khazars. And handily, once the scheme has run its course, the Israelis can stop saving space for us – bit like hogging an empty chair next to you at the theatre for your friend who never actually turns up.
So, that’s the basics – who said this stuff was hard? But this “right” is very important. In a world where commodities, futures, risks and debts are bought and sold, it seems only logical that the right to return should be a saleable asset. Much like getting rid of our chametz at Pesach, we need to get the best price. Obviously we need to let the market take its course, but we reckon it should be around £32.75. Like oil, there is a strictly limited supply of rights of return, and given that you never know when the Israeli government might change its mind about the whole thing, there is a strong impetus to buy sooner rather than later. We even have a few ideas about how to keep the prices high. We suggest that the internet is the perfect place for trading – just as you use Gumtree, Craig’s list, ebay etc. to trade sofas, washing machines and flatshares, use jewdas.org, and our paypal account to trade land rights. All are invited: Palestinians wanting to buy, Jews wanting to sell, hell even Ugandans wanting to sell. Jewdas can act a bit like OPEC. By cleverly restricting the flow of rights of return (or RoRs as we will brand them) onto the open market, we can keep prices high, thus offering an excellent deal for all Jews willing to sell. As a method of advertising the scheme, we suggest that you print off the flyer below and place it in a phonebox somewhere near you:
Peace Cash; putting your bank balance before your country