A New Dating Agency….DJLC

When J Date has let you down, and you’ve met every Jew around, and you’ve even considered moving town, when your parents give you a constant frown each time you turn “that nice Jewish boy/girl who works in the city and regularly appears in the “Community” section in the JC ” down…do not despair! There is a whole other closed community out there!

Our dating agency, “Desperate Jews For Lapsed Catholics” (DJLC), is specially designed to provide the perfect Catholic boy/girl for you and there is every reason to use us, too! It really is a match made in Shiksa and Shaygetz heaven. Just think of all the values , traditions, and complexes, we have in common, all which make for healthy loving relationships (and great debates on Seder night!)

Our communities both worship dead men, endure guilt and shame over sex and masturbation, partake in obsessive repetitive chanting of phrases in ancient tongue, hold irrational beliefs about the transformative nature of food (wine into blood, bread into flesh, the laws of chemistry and calories not applying to food eaten on the Sabbath), and of course that wondrous head gear, dress and general strange adornments which are defining features of both our communities. These are all just some amongst the  many reasons why our members find their Bashert through us….and of course don’t forget the bonus of  decreasing the risk of spreading those nasty genetic diseases,  avoiding broiguses over a “get”, and  to top it all off….. treif sex is just better when you don’t have to worry about ritual purity laws!

We even have an elite membership option, “ Catholics with Cash”. Sign up to this and you will have special access to our single, sexy Catholic doctors, lawyers and accountants. This will be certain to placate those super fussy parents with at least one of their necessary criteria!

If you are interested and would like to join DJLC please email Mrs Fleischig-Milkeg at:  welovethevatican@jewmail.co.uk

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Kibitzen

  1. Anneure

    Good idea. Sign me up. Presumably, if they’re lapsed, they don’t actually love the vatican, but have lots of guilt about it. I’ve never dated a Jew in my life. What are they like?

  2. warwickproject

    a jew and a catholic under a quilt
    each one outdoing the other in guilt
    both feeling shy and a little uncertain
    as to who should be first to draw back the curtain
    who should kneel to whom as father confessor
    whose angst is the greater , whose trauma the lesser
    the jew with no analyst to help him think
    the catholic no father ( go tell that to the shrink)
    just the two here alone ,lying next to each other
    (the catholic sees hell- the jew hears his mother )
    each frightened that whatever happens they’ll rue it
    til one says to the other, ‘oh fuck it,lets do it!’

    and just to add here a quick short p.s.
    was it worth all the anguish? oh god,oh yes…

  3. de bagel

    hahahahaha

  4. Cornish

    Jesus was a Catholic, of course:

    He lived at home until he was 30 and thought his mother was a virgin.

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